Sad Boy Poetry Trailer out 26.8.26

Hello kids: Welcome to the new koelen.net. a lot of changes whilst the bones remain the same.

The site would have been done a long time ago, had it not been for a friend that robbed me and never completed my site. I was dishing to a school chum last fall about the sad state of affairs that was my website. Emily immediately swooped in and said: "Oh i can do it for you."

cut to almost a year later, and the site is still not done after she charged me $2000 to do it. She is such an aderal addict that I should have known better than to trust her in the first place. I asked for things in January and in April that were never completed, and considering I officially hired her in October, its unacceptable her work ethic and performance.

Salaries are exorbitantly less here in Spain than in the US. Emily thought it cute to charge me full-American prices for her work. She promised me everything: I new logo, a new look, lots of add-ons, etc. The site that she delivered, unfinished, was worth about $250-$400, not 2K.

She fulfilled none of her obligations and left me with the most basic AF web design ever. Is this me throwing her under the bus? Absolutely not. The bitch did the bare minimum, hounded me in January about completing the payment, and then basically ghosted me and my site. Emily never completed it.

She prided herself on creating animations for my books so that they open when you wave the curser over them. She promised the same for the mobile version. When i asked about this in January and April, she all of a sudden said it was so much more work and that she would have to charge me despite it being something she promised. almost 9 months later, it's still not done. She kept trying to get me to come to her house and waste my time as i sat there watching the back of her cracked-out-on-legalized speed head as she bobbed and worked, otherwise she wasn't going to do it. As of today, my first book and title of my series of books isn't even visible fully: fucking mess.

The biggest lesson in this whole mess, kids, is do not work with your friends. She was always "too busy" to work on it while dating a little-dicked POS racist Argentinian Nazi. The changes "would have to wait" as she had salsa and dance classes. Coffee dates with her friend Xenia. Of course her negligence pissed me off because I watched as my friend bullshit me as she reneged on her promises over and over again, whilst going out and living it up on the town. Don't do business with your friends: it will destroy the relationship and make you realize you weren't friends in the first place. As my friend Jonas would say about this bitch: SOMEONE WHO TREATS YOU LIKE THAT, WITH NO LOYALTY TO YOU, ISN'T YOUR FRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Second biggest lesson is I foolishly trusted her and never had an appropriate contract drawn between the two of us. Rookie AF mistake that I made and it sucks because I cannot sue her ass now. And honestly at this point, I would. Maybe I still might take her to court in the future considering she took my money and ran and never finished anything nor kept any of her promises. Even if it's your best friend (see lesson number 1 above), without an official contract, people don't seem to take shit seriously. With a contract I could have taken her to task. Without it I am like a dog with my tail between my legs. This entire situation, really, is my fault and my fault alone for being trusting and wanting to help a friend. Fuck that noise for the future.

So, in short kids: This was a nearly $3000 error I made. I had to hire a new web developer. I had to hire a logo designer. And I had to contract someone who could come in and fix the fuckery in the wake of the mess she made. This was and is my mistake and here I am living it and learning it in real time.

Don't work with your friends. Get a contract. BE LOYAL and stand by your word.

And fuck you Emily R.

Buenos días desde la tierra de encantamiento.

My time living in Spain has taught me a lot, including the reality that I hate cold weather. While the Iberian Peninsula isn't exactly Antarctica, them Mediterraneo winds of winter chill me to the mofo bone and remind me of my days growing up in the frozen hell scape that was Missouri during the freezing months.

So, I fled. Faster than Netanyahu escaping the latest Iranian onslaught of missiles. My battle isn't with the entire Middle East: it's with temperatures near 32 Fahrenheit. Spanya is as close as Europe gets to California's climate, but not close enough to make me want to stay there January - March.

I "escaped" the northern hemisphere's northern end and headed as close to the Equator as possible. Well, really I am still in the upper half of the globe, just about to its southern-most tip to TicoLandia: the enchanted nation of Pura VIda aka Costa Rica.

MamaDeb and I began holidaying here in January of 2012, and it's been an ongoing love affair with this country and this gringo ever since. Costa Rica is more than just a tropical wonderland, it's a state of mind, where the jungle means urbanization and getting in touch with nature is as easy as stepping out your front door.

For years I have held the desire to one day live here and escape the winters of the North, John Snow. This trip or next, I hope to make my wish a reality. Who wouldn't want to live bi-continentally? It's been a dream of mine to live in Spain for over a decade. But when the cold months reality sat in, I realized my Spanicano fantasy had some down sides: mostly, my aversion for wearing too many clothes!

Sure, I cannot be dancing in my underwear™ year round, but chasing the sun and never having to endure another European winter sounds more and more like what the American dream has become:—residing outside the Divided States for a better life.

I couldn't help but wonder; what would it be like if i lived in both Spain and Costa Rica, therefore splitting my life in two?!

Stay tuned, dear readers, as this Tingo rides the heat wave into March before returning yet again to his Iberian Empire. PURA VIDA!

Greetings from 2026.

I always look forward to this time of year when the holidays are over and we can all go back to pretending we like one another. However I very much loath the winter time, the cold, and the bitch slap of darkness that is daylight savings time.

I've deleted my instagram for the month of a little bit of social media detox. Zuckerberg is getting a break from draining my brain for the next 30. It has yet to be determined whether or not I will take a total dry January where I pause from abiding in certain liquid substances. I know my liver and my belly will thank me for it. New year, new me.

I remember the days before Insta when I kept up with my friends in person, I also maintained a healthy blog with lots of commentary and my outlook on life. Pausing on tea totaling and focusing on my writing is always a good thing.

My health is my main priority in 2026. My physical, my mental, and my social wellness.

2026: LET THE GAMES BEGIN

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals!

Absofuckinglutely cannot believe it’s almost 2026, but let’s be real: thank god/buddha/Krishna/Allah/vishnu/Jesus whichever fairytale deity you put stock in that this year is coming to an end.

I long ago smoke and drank all my memories away, so the exact quote escapes me, but my friend Amber gave me some grand advice earlier this year that was something along the lines of: life is a garden and sometimes we have to remove all the weeds for our plants to grow. And goddamn have I not done some pruning and weed removal of people in 2025. I've exited out of so many people's lives that I'll be grateful for this year to exit my life, as well.

Christmas is always a difficult time of year for me, and so I’m one of those Scrooges who will be glad when it’s all over and the new year is upon us. These past nearly 365 days has seen a lot of highs and a lot of lows for this one. I’m hoping for a chill AF holiday where I choose whom I want to spend it with.

I hope everyone has a happy Christmas and an even better New Year.

aml-K

Last night after dinner, my mother and I walked out of the restaurant and towards my car. Two gay guys, one of which I recognize from the kickball community, watched my mother and I from within the restaurant as we reached our car. I didn't notice until I got into the driver's seat that the two guys were pointing at and laughing at my obese mother: struggling with her cane to walk and then struggling to get into the car. I brushed it off and looked away, but as my mother tried to slowly shift her more than 300lbs weight and step down into my tiny Smart Car, I could see the guys really hooping, hollering, pointing, and getting a kick out of very blatantly laughing and making fun of my mother: a fat person struggling to shove herself into my minuscule clown car. 

This experience broke my heart. Maybe because I didn't do anything or say anything. Maybe because I felt too weak to just go in and beat the fuck out of them for disgracing my mama lioness. But probably more so that people can just be so very cruel. 

My mom never even noticed. Not the guys making fun of her or her son silently crying to himself on the way home. At this point, she still doesn't know that she was just made a public mockery by two guys at Swingers. I thought horrible thoughts on the drive home questioning myself as to what I could have done differently to have avoided this situation: if I drove a bigger car, maybe they wouldn't have noticed. If I would have been there more for my mom versus galavanting all over the world in the past,  maybe she wouldn't have been so depressed to have digressed to this state of her health. But neither were actually the case...

I know the two aren't correlated and--unlike Paris in which I lived and still have friends and family there--I really have no personal connection to the atrocities in Belgium (other than the heartbreak and sorrow I feel for those involved)...but I did get a very sick feeling in my stomach that yesterday the world was mourning over another senseless act of violence while these two jackass, assholes worlds away also lacked compassion or human connection so much that they didn't see anything wrong with not trying to be better people yesterday.

I moved my mother out to Cali because I want to help her live better. I want to see her get healthier and live the longest life she can possibly live. And I want to see her happier. So far, I believe it's working. And a woman who was so set in her ways and comfortable has stepped off of the proverbial cliff and into an abyss of change that is Los Angeles. Am I proud of my mom? Yes. At 64, change isn't easy. Neither is heartache. But this is a person trying to change her life and trying to live better. So shouldn't that be applauded versus ridiculed? Then again, as I say in my first book: "you never really know someone until you've walked a kilometer in their stilettos..."

Obviously this whole situation of the guys mocking my mum is still bothering me or I wouldn't put it out there publicly, but I want to turn this situation into a good one. I get that my mom is overweight and morbidly obese. I get that she did this to herself. But does this make her ugly or something so less of a person that she should be treated with nothing but ridicule? Aren't we as human beings better than this shit?

I would never say that I am innocent of mocking people and joking around with people. I too have been called a mean girl. But I don't ever want to be like that again. The reality is people point at and make fun of the weaknesses of other people that they see in themselves. And until it happens to you, it is difficult to see just how awfully put downs and words/actions of negativity hurt. In a day and age where reckless hate and killing has become so rampant, isn't it so much easier to stop the h8 and spread some love? Maybe I'm just a softy. Maybe I'm just a dreamer. But I can't be the only one.

Call your mom today. Tell her you love her. Call the people near and dear to you today. Reach out. Find joy in small things and experiences and trumpet them verses bringing yourself and people around you down. I'm going to do the same. A little love can go a very long way in changing the world. And remember that this life is so fucking short. So do it today: it might be your last. 

ALL MY LUV!