Therapy

Sunday, October 6, 2013

We all could use some mental health therapy. Since I'm destined to be the next Carrie Bradshaw meets David Sedaris love child, I've been inclined to share a lot recently about my life on this blog.And who knows if anyone is actually listening?Is anyone really out there?If anyone actually does follow this blog, I have something to confide in you: I had my first night of therapy today. I say therapy, but really I think the term counseling sounds less threatening and certainly less stygmatizing- if that is even a word.I'm still in the moment right after meeting with my new counselor. It's a brand new feeling because I have never sought out help or advice before. I went looking for someone to talk to because I have, for the first time in my life, been dealing with a depression. A feeling of abandonment and loss. A feeling of fear and lack of love for myself. Questioning my self worth. I have never felt so mentally low in all my 31 years on this earth and I only partially know what's wrong with me. For the most part, I've just been sad over several recent dramatic changes and upsets in my life.So I decided I don't want to live the way I have lived the last few months. Even the last few years. I can't mask my problems with excuses anymore and can no longer do things that don't make me happy.It is actually a sigh of relief knowing that I now have an exterior person that I can go talk. Someone who's only perception of me will be what I confide in him. This sounds like I would refrain from revealing my past or upsetting factors of my life, but; to the contrary if our first meeting was any indication of how I will handle my therapy.I had several moments that I painfully cried through tonight. I have every intention on confiding everything to him. My pandora box is going to get opened by me. I sought out counseling because I want to get better. I want to talk about what bothers me and no longer hold secrets or pent up feelings.And I'm taking a step forward to recover from my past mistakes. I'm no longer a child and have got myself to depend on to help myself out of the state I'm in now.

All of this sounds emotional, and it is.

So if I really have started developing a readership amongst you, I hope you are ready for a wild and often bumpy ride when reading my blog. It's gonna be no-holds barred and full on- just the way my life has been and just how I want it to be.Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your final destination. As you are well aware, my baggage may have shifted upon takeoff...Otherwise, welcome back Koelen.